.ma.vie.mathématique.

“A Red Guitar, Three Chords and The Truth...”

Tue, 26 May 2009 16:03:23 -0500

This last weekend, Brian spoke to the Bridge about using what you got for the glory of God and the advancement of his Kingdom.

I can say from experience that this is something that is easier said than done, but is also probably the most worthwhile pursuit one can engage in, and ultimately the most fulfilling.

A personal story if I may, and be patient cause this is gonna take a while...

Many of you who are reading this probably know a little bit of this already but I am, without question, a recovering self addict. Honestly, I know very few people who are as self-serving or self-absorbed as I can be when I am left to my own devices.

When I graduated from college, I started a band with some amazing musicians and great friends and began really chasing long held dreams of rock and roll super-stardom. Things started out well; we loved playing together, we loved the music we were making and we landed a major label record deal within a year. Everything looked to be on the up and up.

We quickly realized the deal we had signed was not all we had expected it would be. We spent the next three years toiling away in obscurity, writing song after song, recording demo after demo, and being sent back to the drawing board time and time again by a record label who owed us nothing, but had exclusive rights to everything we recorded.

And at some point, I lost my way...

My whole existence began to revolve around ME: my goals, my dreams, my needs and what I could do to try and obtain those things. I let anything that I perceived to be “getting in my way” (i.e., jobs, relationships) fall by the wayside as I relentlessly poured myself into the task of essentially building a narcissistic idol out of myself and my band. Without getting into all of the gory details, this exercise in self-glorification left me broken and defeated in a way that I never saw coming. I ended up in deep debt and after time and time again failing to deliver what I thought would make me happy, I hated myself and was at the end of my rope, spiritually and emotionally.

And then, one night, God intervened. I was standing on the beach in Santa Barbara a block away from my apartment, seriously contemplating walking into the waves and swimming out until I couldn’t swim anymore and letting myself sink. I was ready to be done. But I couldn’t...

For reasons beyond my comprehension at the time, in my moment of despair, God led me to finally step into the light about the ugly man I had become and ask for help. I called my parents from that beach at 3 in the morning and unloaded on them; all my junk that I had been accumulating for so long and trying desperately to hide came flooding out and I admitted that I needed help, that I wanted my life back, and that I couldn’t do it alone.

What followed was messy. Very messy. And painful. Sometimes it seemed I was just trading one kind of pain for another, which in a way was exactly what I was doing. But I was trading the pain of DYING for the pain of LIVING, the pain of GROWING. Through the grace poured out on me by my family and friends in that period, I fully understood for the first time the Grace of Christ. I began to fall in love with this man who had died my death to save me, wretch that I am, and I wanted, NEEDED a way to give back in some small way. In a life for the majority of which I had called myself a “Christian”, I began to understand what it means to really follow Christ and I could think of nothing else that would bring me more JOY.
*************************************************************************
So, here I am four years later.

I don’t have any platinum records.
I don’t own houses on both coasts.
I don’t hang out at the coolest clubs.
I haven’t played on Conan or SNL.
I’m not friends with Bono.
My face is not on the cover of Rolling Stone.

I am happier than I have ever been...

I don’t have a lot, certainly not of the things I always wanted, but what I’ve got is a gift beyond compare. I am rich beyond my wildest imagination. Every week, I get to sing, not in front of tens of thousands of people at Madison Square Garden, screaming their praise at ME, but in front of a gym/auditorium full of people who are trying/fumbling/longing to express their hearts to GOD. And I get to help... I get to serve this already/not yet/messy/beautiful Kingdom of God...

With a song.
With a prayer.
With 3 chords and The Truth.

And I can’t imagine anything better this side of heaven.

Thank You, Jesus.

So what about you? What’s God given you to use for his kingdom? What does that look like for you, in your life? Hit me up below...

"Where Death is Just a Memory..."

Fri, 22 May 2009 15:31:39 -0500

If I’m reading this right, it seems what we need a way to cheat death?

Hmmm...

Discuss amongst yourselves...

"Happy Is a Yuppie Word..."

Thu, 21 May 2009 09:58:10 -0500

So, here we are many months later. No excuses, I’m just gonna offer my apologies and move on.

Last weekend @ The Well we began a series on Ecclesiastes. It was, and I’m sure will continue to be, a kick in the face. It’s not a book that gets dealt with a lot because, frankly, it’s messy. Solomon, the wisest and perhaps most manic dude who ever lived, looks at your life and mine by way of looking back at his own and pretty much tears us all apart. It’s beyond convicting, it’s potentially despair inducing,and yet...

There is great meaning in the clarion call of “MEANINGLESS, MEANINGLESS ALL IS MEANINGLESS!” that makes up the bulk of this book. In a way, I don’t think there is a better message for us to hear in the world we live in today, WHEN we read it in the light of the Gospel. Over the next 15 weeks, we are going to journey with Solomon as he systematically deconstructs all the petty things that we try and fill our lives with “under the sun” (wealth, power, knowledge, sex) and tells us why NONE OF IT means anything...Unless...

Unless we stop looking for that meaning in the things we find “under the sun” and instead begin to search under the SON. Then the things we have been trying to make ultimate become the things we acknowledge as GIFTS from THE ULTIMATE ONE, for HIS glory, not our own. Then the pursuit of happiness is replaced with the pursuit of JOY!

Buckle your seatbelts, y’all. I can guarantee this ride is going to be bumpy, and it will almost surely leave us all a little bruised, but the ONE WHO HEALS is waiting on the other side with meaning and purpose beyond what we can imagine.

R U ready? Hit me up below!

“Grace Makes Beauty out of Ugly Things...” (Part 2)

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:54:57 -0600

Resolved. No more two and a half month breaks between blog posts. For real. I promise.

So, two and a half months ago, on the eve of the election, I wrote a post about the need for the church to put political differences aside and come together after a long, divisive, and often ugly campaign season. Well, the following day America spoke, and Barack Obama was elected our 44th president.

And here we are, two and a half months later, on the eve of the inauguration of the first African American president of The United States...Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It’s hard to believe that it was just over 45 years ago that Dr. King gave his “I Have A Dream” speech and tomorrow our country will take a huge step towards realizing that dream. Now, I know that people have different expectations for what an Obama presidency will look like; some are optimistic, some are despairing.

But tomorrow, for 24 hours it is time to celebrate the victory we all share. What would have been unthinkable less than 50 years ago, a black man holding the highest office in our nation, is happening tomorrow and we all get to be part of a historic moment. It’s beautiful and it is a moment to be treasured as a nation.

Let’s party together and celebrate how far we’ve come. Then, let’s spend the next four years praying for Barack Obama, the man who will lead our country in the midst of a historic time of great challenges and great possibility.

“Grace Makes Beauty out of Ugly Things...”

Mon, 3 Nov 2008 06:41:49 -0600

Hey, everybody. It’s been a while. Life gets busy and I don’t get to write as much as I’d like, but I’m glad to have a moment to connect with you all again.

So... Tomorrow we will go to the polls and vote for the next President of The United States and I, for one, will be ecstatic when it is all over. I tire of the endless rhetoric and spin and negativity, and I find myself getting caught up in all of it more often than I like. I’m a poll watcher. I’m a pundit listener. I follow this stuff, and I have strong opinions on the candidates, major issues, etc.

Now, as I wrote about a while ago, I feel strongly that, as a church leader, it is important to remain officially neutral in political matters. I personally think separation of Church and State is good for the state and VERY, VERY, good for the church. With that in mind, I’m not going to be telling you who to vote for or what issues you should care the most about or anything like that. However, as a church leader, I do feel led to speak out on a couple of issues.

In the midst of a presidential campaign that, despite promises from both sides to take the high road, quickly sank into the gutter, supporters of both candidates are upset with the other guy, as well as the other guys supporters. Unfortunately, the church is not immune to this. Which, in a way makes sense. The church is made up of humans. Humans are flawed. We fall into the same traps that the rest of America, and the world does.

But here’s the rub... we are CALLED to something higher than the slanderous accusations that get hurled back and forth between the political parties in this country! We are called to UNITY under the throne of Christ. The bottom line is this: wether you fall politically to the left of center or to the right of center, and wether you think Senator Obama or Senator McCain is most likely to represent you and your values in the ruling of this nation, ultimately your hope and the hope of this Nation is in a creator God who IS IN CONTROL, regardless of the outcome of the election. In light of that, the division that I’m seeing amongst believers across this nation is heartbreaking.

We should be able to disagree respectfully without passing judgement on one another when we differ politically, but over the last few months, I have seen numerous instances of Christians attacking each other and calling into question the faith of those who have differing views. I could go on about this and this difference between opinion and doctrine, political philosophy and biblical theology, etc, but here’s the point: The ugly division that has arisen during this political season is absolutely counter to the mission of the church. It needs to be put to rest and we need to get back to the business of being the Body: spreading the best news ever heard!

A man who I respect very much, Los Whitaker @ RagamuffinSoul.com, has proposed a way forward that I think is an amazing symbolic beginning to the healing of wounds that we may have caused each other in the last few months, and more importantly is an example of one of our primary roles as the church in The United States: prayer for the leaders God has placed over us. So tonight, @ 8:30 CST there is an online prayer meeting @ Ragamuffinsoul.com that I encourage people to check out. If you have never attended an online prayer meeting, I can simply tell you that while it is a little outside of the box, it is an amazing experience to be linked up with people all over the country, praying together over the same things. So tonight, I encourage you to join with a group of believers from around the country in a time of non-partisan prayer for two men, one of whom will soon hold the highest office in our Nation. Los describes the event better than I ever could, so click on the banner above to head over and check out the skinny on this event.

God will get the glory, regardless of the outcome tomorrow! Let us be strong in our faith and persevere in loving one another through our differences! Extend the grace that was extended to you to your Brothers and Sister in Christ, and let’s turn the ugliness of division into the beauty of a church united under the banner of the true King! Can I get an AMEN! Comment below!

“Happy Birthday To You...”

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 09:05:24 -0500

What’s up, my peoples!!!! (spoken in a very high, girly screech, unique to Mr. Sx Benjamin)

Just a quick note to let you all know that this Sunday is the ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of the official launch of The Well! We have a great evening planned which includes lots and lots of music, lots and lots of celebrating, and lots and lots of CAKE! Who doesn’t love that? Rock and Roll and Cake...a match made in heaven. We’re gonna party like it’s 1999 (give or take 9 years) so I hope that you can all make it out to join us in celebrating the faithfulness of God over the last 12 months. I promise it will be THE hot place to be on Sunday evening in Hudson, WI.

Anyway, I’m loving journeying with all of you. Can’t wait to see what the next year holds.

See you Sunday!

Creative Chaos Submission, Take 1 - Clear

Thu, 18 Sep 2008 22:59:01 -0500

The observant among you may notice that this is the first post @ the new, improved louderthanmathematics.com that does not have a title ripped from the lyrics of one of the many, many songs that float around in my head all day, every day. The reason for that is I have decided to take part in RagamuffinSoul.com’s weekly Creative Chaos “blog carnival” today. Essentially, it’s a chance to share creative stuff (music, video, art, illustrations, etc.) that you have used in your church gatherings, with the hope that it serves others who are trying to be creative in ministry, as well as providing a way to get feedback on the stuff you’re doing...

As some of you from both of my Church families @ The Bridge and The Well may know, since I came on staff in April, I’ve been writing some music for use in the gatherings. Well from now on, as I introduce new songs to the community, I will always post the demo recordings here. That way, if you so desire, you can enjoy the songs during the week, as well as when we meet on Sundays.

I’ll also post a chord/lyric sheet for any fellow worship leaders who may wish to use any of these songs with their communities. My heart is to serve the Greater Body in any way I can, so if you feel like any of these songs would be effective for you, use away.

This week’s song is called Clear and it was introduced @ both The Bridge and The Well back in May. The song is basically a prayer asking that Jesus would be the focus of our lives, as well as a reflection on what He has accomplished, and is accomplishing now, in the lives of his people.

IIf you’d like to listen, you can do it here:

If you’d like to download the .mp3 you can do that here: Clear.mp3

You can grab a chord sheet here: Clear - Key of G

So, enjoy everyone, and any feedback, constructive criticism, whatever is welcome and appreciated. Hit me up below.

Sx

"This station is non-operational..."

Wed, 17 Sep 2008 00:06:27 -0500

This is what I have felt like doing to my computer all evening.

For the uninitiated like myself, iWeb is a great way to make a nice looking website.

Turn’s out, it has it’s foibles. After having all my comments deleted from my blog twice, I decided to keep my comments through HaloScan. This is a challenge when working in iWeb. Then I realized that iWeb’s comments were not working because I had tried to add google analytics. So, no more google and instead, behold the ghetto hit counter below...

If your comments were deleted, I’m so sorry. Please keep reading and commenting. It shouldn’t happen again...

I hope.

“We get to Carry Each Other...”

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:16:56 -0500

It’s hard for me to pick my favorite thing about the church, just as it is hard for me to pick my least favorite thing about the church. On both counts, there are SO MANY things that I could put on the list that it’s hard to know where to begin.

I could write a whole post unpacking that last sentence, and maybe I will @ some point, but in the meantime let me just say this: The people you love the most are ALWAYS the people who disappoint you the most. You know what they are capable of at their best, and so it hurts all the more to see them at their worst. The church is, of course, people just like you and me, who are broken and who mess up all the time. Because I love the church so much and really do believe that it is THE hope for this world until Jesus returns, when one of our own really screws up, often in a very public and humiliating way (as we are prone to do), it has the potential to bum me out in a serious way. On the flip side, when we really get it right, when we live up to the potential that we have as the Spirit-empowered-hands-and-feet-of-Christ-on-earth, it gets me excited like little else can. Ahhh, the ups and downs of True Love.

So, that was a bit of a tangential musing on my way to the point, which is this: If I absolutely had to make a list of my all-time favorite things about the church, probably @ the top of that list would be the potential for TRUE, LIFE-CHANGING COMMUNITY. The church getting it right, BEING the church, and caring for one another and the world.

Which brings me to the exciting part of this post. LifeChurch.tv, along with Ragamuffinsoul.com, are teaming up to explore what that might look like in our online communities with “LifeShare”. Read about it here and here, and sign-up to participate here. The idea is a 7 day challenge (starting tomorrow - 9/17/2008) to be intentional about exploring how we can really BE the body of Christ in places like our blogs, our facebook or myspace or YouTube profiles, our Twitter feeds and anywhere else that we “live” online. There are different levels of involvement that you can jump in at based on your desire and availability, but this is open to all, and in my book, is some really exciting stuff.

It is absolutely undeniable that online community has become a primary, if not THE primary, way we all relate to each other, day in and day out. This challenge, as I understand it, is acknowledging that reality, as the church we HAVE to figure out how we can embody the “Word who became Flesh”, without actually being together in the flesh. How do we care for each other, “carry each other” in the words of the great poet, without being physically present? Wrap your head around that!

Props to Los @ RagamuffinSoul.com and all the people @ LifeChurch.tv internet campus for leading the charge on this. I think there is some amazing potential to break new ground in terms of body unity this week. Lets do it.

Are you in? Hit me up below.

“Name Above All Names...”

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 06:19:32 -0500

I was nervous. Anxious. Slightly terrified.

It’s election season. Every four years, I get swept up with the rest of the nation in the fever of watching the candidates battle it out, campaigning until the end, and every four years I am disappointed. “Change”, the buzzword of the moment (and rightly so, given the current State of the Union), is always slow, if it comes at all. And that goes for both parties...

As we drove to Minneapolis on Tuesday evening, I was confessing (read - venting) to Anna that I was nervous. This election is close, and I was telling her that I was scared, really scared about the potential outcome. Because I work at a church and I don’t believe in “endorsing a candidate from the pulpit”, explicitly or implicitly, I won’t elaborate on that, but the bottom line is I had/have fears about what the next four years could look like. So...

Anna and I were headed to a free event hosted by KTIS @ Club 3 Degrees. I am not a huge KTIS listener, but when I heard they were hosting a free evening of worship led by Chris Tomlin, specifically for worship leaders in the Twin Cities area, I jumped at the opportunity. We use a lot of Tomlin-penned songs with both of my church bodies and I looked forward to having a chance to go to a worship gathering where I wasn’t responsible for anything and could be led by someone who is at the top of his game as a songwriter and worship leader.

The whole evening ended up being an amazing time of singing songs to God, proclaiming his worth with an intimate group of people, all of whom serve their individual communities by teaching people about who God is, through the medium of song. I was hit, many times over the course of the evening, by the palpable sense of God’s presence in the room as we sang together. It was glorious.

And convicting.

It happened just as the night began and Mr. Tomlin started playing a new song, that if you listen to KTIS more than I do, you have undoubtedly heard roughly 50,000 times in the last week. The song is called Jesus Messiah and while I tend to like my music a bit edgier, a little less clean, the lyrics are great.

About halfway through the song, Mr. Tomlin paused and said, “You know, Messiah is quite a word. We’re saying something big when we say Jesus Messiah. We’re saying that we put our faith in Jesus to save us. He is the only one who we know can do it. He is the name above all names. Above Barack Obama and John McCain. He is our only hope.”

And I began to weep (which I actually did a lot over the remaining hour and a half of the evening). I wept for the grace and the patience poured out on me, a man who puts his faith in other people or things to save me, apart from the true Messiah. A man who lives in relative comfort, security, and freedom, but gets anxious over the potential outcome of an election. A man saved by a God who doesn’t give up on me despite all of these things, who instead of striking me down in my tracks, kindly reminds me time and again that HE is calling the shots, and HE ALONE will be my strength, my refuge, and my hope, not just in Novemeber, or for the next four years, but forever.

So, I’m trying not to be nervous. I’m trying to remind myself that the end has already been written, and everything works out just as it should. Everything is being put to right. Everything is becoming new, slowly but surely... And that includes me.

Thoughts...? Hit me.

"Where the winds hit heavy on the borderline..."

Tue, 2 Sep 2008 22:14:03 -0500

I am in love.

I can’t believe that I have lived in the Twin Cities area for nearly half of my life and I have never been to Duluth before this weekend. What wasted opportunities...

Here are some things I love about The City on the Lake...

The lake... I’m sure it has something to do with living literally right next to the Pacific Ocean for a number of years, but being next to a large body of water soothes my soul. It feels like home. Lake Superior is huge and beautiful. And it sounds like the ocean. I love it.
The vibe... This city is so friendly and unpretentiously hip. I mean, it’s a college town, so there is a young hipster element for sure, but everyone I met was soooo nice. Maybe there’s something to all that “Minnesota Nice” noise. Another cool thing is that the city is full of old converted factories and classic industrial buildings with lots of (seemingly original) old classic 30-40-50’s americana style signs all over the place. Also, there’s a boardwalk. Radical.
The hills... There are great hills that run up from the shore, meaning there are ridiculously beautiful views all over the place, much like Santa Barbara. ‘Nuff said.

Anyway, I was shocked and amazed by how quickly I decided this is one of my favorite places in the world. I must spend more time there.

Any good Duluth or Lake Superior stories? Any secret places that rule I should know about for my next trip? Hit me up...

“It’s A Nice Day for A White Wedding...”

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:00:10 -0500

I am writing this very quickly before I head to the reception for our friends Jeff and Astrid Merrifield (formerly Beckwith until about 45 minutes ago). Anna and I are in Duluth for the wedding and I am taking advantage of the fact that Anna is in the wedding party, and so is off somewhere taking pictures before the reception. It gives me an excuse to not go directly to the reception (where I will know no one) and instead to sit in the above building, looking out the window at the above scene, and write a quick blog post.

I was just thinking about weddings and how I used to get kind of teary eyed at them, until I had my own. Lot’s of people talk about how each time they go to a wedding, they relive their own and they get all emotional again. For me, each wedding I’ve been to since my own has been great, but has not even come close to being as amazing or meaningful as Anna & I’s was. And it kinda makes sense that I would feel that way, as I sort of had some emotional investment in my own wedding. As a result, I just don’t get as caught up in them anymore. Is that weird?

How about you? Do you weep like a child? Do you admire the outfits? Do you sit and cynically wonder about the prospects of the couple? Do you plan your own (for those in the still single camp) or reflect on your own (for those of us who have already taken the plunge)? What’s your wedding m.o.?

Throw me some thoughts.

Sx

“It’s Real Love, yes It’s Real Love...”

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 12:09:02 -0500

Sometimes it’s all I can do to keep driving...

I love my iPod. The convenience of this little box can not be understated. Remember carrying around those massive books of cd’s. I do. I don’t miss them. For me to carry around the sheer volume of songs I have on my iPod, in those days I would have had to have a 1,000 disc changer in my trunk. Stupid...just stupid.

Anyway, with 10,000 plus songs, shuffle mode is always an adventure. Sometimes I get songs I haven’t heard in a very long time. Sometimes I get songs that I listen to often, but when they pop up unexpectedly, they hit me in a whole new way. Sometimes, like today, they totally blindside me.

Today, as I was driving, a song that I love and have listened to quite often since I first heard it six months ago came on my iPod. But when it came on my car stereo today, it was almost more than I could take. It was like I had never heard the song before. It was so beautiful, I almost had to pull over, just to take it in.

The song is a John Lennon song that he recorded as a simple demo prior to his assassination, that was later “finished” by the remaining Beatles on the Anthology discs that came out in the mid 90’s.
The version I have on my iPod though is a more recent recording by singer/songwriter Regina Spektor. I really can’t even begin to tell you how lovely this song is and what it does to me, but I can tell you this: what absolutely killed me to day was this lyric:

No need to be afraid
No need to be afraid
It’s real love, yes it’s real love
Oh, it’s real love, yes it’s real love

Now, I’m gonna go ahead and make the fairly safe assumption that Mr. Lennon was not intending to speak in the narrative voice of God when he wrote these lyrics. But that’s the beauty of true art; it is impossible for the artist to dictate the audiences reaction to their work...

What I heard was God speaking to his children. I was reminded of Gunners’ words at the bandshell this weekend: “God loves you no matter what. Deal with it.” And I thought about how hard that can be in practice, “dealing with” the love of God.

We’ve all got stories and for many of us those stories involve “false” love. Love that leaves, that lets us down, that kicks us in the teeth and leaves us bleeding. So over time we put up walls, we hide from any relationship that has the potential to do that to us again, and we isolate ourselves from real meaningful connection. We lock ourselves up in our own dark recesses and never let anyone really see us as we are.

And then God shows up. He invades our hiding places and fills the dark up with this blinding light and all of our imperfections and scars and ugliness is laid bare. And it’s terrifying to be seen like that... but God says, “No need to be afraid... I love you no matter what you have done or have been. I love you just as you are. I will never leave you and I will never forsake you. You think you’ve known love before, but this is NOT that thing...it’s Real Love.”

And we are cautious.
We are tentative.

But when we trust it, when we take this Love that has been offered, in that moment, the change begins...

Tell me what this has looked like in your life in the comments section, or if this is a new idea to you, it sounds totally crazy and you want to talk more about it, email me here or facebook me here.

May you be suprised by the Real Love of God today.

Sx

“So allow Me To Reintroduce Myself...”

Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:31:28 -0500

So, This is the new and improved “.ma.vie.mathematique.” My other blog was getting spammed and I wanted to make my website cooler without having to learn code. Thank you, iWeb.

I have spent most of the day recovering from a Sunday that saw me teaching on worship @ The Bridge in the morning and following that up with the third and final Well on the Water gathering (until next summer, anyway) @ the Hudson Bandshell on the St. Croix in the evening. Yesterday capped off two weeks of mad busy-ness that has left me feeling ragged. It kind of reminds me of the feeling I would have the day after a big show with my former band, The Rosewood Fall. I sort of stumble around bleary-eyed all day, doing lots of little inane things like shaving (and cutting myself in the process), and ultimately ending the day feeling I have accomplished nothing.

So... I decided to make a website. This is actually kind of exciting. I will be updating the blog more regularly now, as well as adding more fun stuff to this site as I go, so stay tuned.

In the mean time, did you enjoy Well on the Water? Talk amongst yourselves... add comments... tell me what you thought...